So, you can't figure out how you created this??

Look at it this way, everything in your reality, you created.  Others are creating as well and you are experiencing their stuff too.  You experience their stuff and can easily get drawn into their reality when you don't deliberately create.  It can be so complicated and so very simple at the same time. 

You choose which it will be.  At the very least, make the decision that you are going to be the creator of your reality.  You are in charge.  Today, you are taking charge.  Today, you are experiencing joy.  Look for joy everywhere.  If you do not see joy immediately, expect it and continue to do so. 

This will become easier and easier..